They left my heart to hang on a string back and forth I watched it swing.
Looking for the perfect answer to a question I'd ask years ago.
"When does my heart stop? When does it become too much to bear?"

I have such a strange need for drama and sadness it's like some sick addiction. I think I get it from my mom and all the drama she has every day. I've been told I'm not bipolar but theres gotta be something messed up in my head that causes it. When good things happen I shrug my shoulders. unless it's something I get to buy or material things it's just really stupid

I really need to stop checking my weight every single day because it drives me crazy.  It pushes me over the edge and when my stomach growls I just get so mad. Then when Andrew's mom sets the table and I have to sit there and eat Chinese food. Even when I had food earlier on in the day. Then I continue to have snacks during the day and it just makes me so angry because I feel like it's gonna take forever to get to my desired weight. I woke up today to run and walk and I just felt stupid the whole time. I had Andrew come with me and he was not happy to be waking up. So I guess I'll definetely be on my own when it comes to exercise which really pisses me off. Now I just don't feel like getting up early at all to run because I'll feel like an idiot. Since theres like in shape people running in the morning Im just gonna feel stupid. For now Im just gonna do my pilates cardio around 10 in the morning. I hate that it's become an obsession I feel so unattractive when andrew tries to kiss me. I just wanna be left alone for 5 months until I've lost this weight. I feel guilty when I slip and have a lowfat cookie I dont know whats wrong with me. I don't get to bed till late because thats all I think about before I go to sleep. I even had a dream about being at the gym. I was also looking forward to going out on sunday for andrews dad's b-day. Now his dad doesnt wanna go out and he wants to have meatball heroes. WTF? I could've had a chance to choose something healthy. Now I have to stuff my face with a fatty homemade meatball sub? So lame that just pisses me off so much. ugh..... it's just hopeless because no'one calls to hangout with me. No'one has all summer and I just pretty much hate all my so called friends. I dont think I really have any friends I guess. Ahh well what the hell else is new I've been fine without good friends all my life. Why is now any different?

So I stopped using that slim quick stuff due to my scare so it's been like 3 days. We bought a scale and now it's become My mortal enemy. I check my weight almost every time I go to the bathroom. It goes up and down all day I wanna throw it against the wall.  Been drinking slimfast and whatnot. Totally skipped dinner because it was hot dogs and mac and cheese. I really wanna lose this weight so I can buy some cute new clothes. I'm gonna be so happy once I lose this weight. It's all I think about when I wake up and when I go to sleep all day it's a huge headache. I need a job so I can get my mind off this stuff. It's sad that I'm looking forward to Sunday because were all going out for dinner for andrews dads b-day. We have to setup for church Im so sick of doing it. :( ugh

Day 2 of my slim quick I feel the energy and I'm not eating as much as I think I am. I felt guilty at dinner when I reached for a second piece of barbecue chicken. But the first was a small piece and I didn't even eat much of the second piece. Fresh green beans and my ultimate favorite mashed potatoes. I'm so happy I went to Publix because Andrew was craving a cannoli and I saw a yummy one with berries. I didn't get it and I walked down and found some of the yogurt I love and some more slim fast. Hopped on their scale and I lost five pounds I'm so proud of myself. It makes me so happy. Tomorrow Im gonna start working out so that should help alot. Man I'm excited :)

I started the slim quick powder today and I'm feeling more energized. I cleaned some of the room and organized our shelf so it looks great now. I've eaten less today, I mean normally I don't alot anyways its just what I eat. I wanna be thinner and just feel better about myself. So hopefully this works and I'm happier. I do need to get a scale though, sadly....

This always happens, I have this motivation to write a stupid blog. I think of a million things to say and I draw a blank. I know it helps to just go ahead and write what I know. It'll end up confusing and a blur but I doubt anyone reads this so here goes. I went to see Funny People tonight and enjoyed it. It was a mixture of sadness, reality and well funny moments. Went to Walmart at around 12 am to pick up a bunch of stupid diet shit. Slim quick,Slimfast, bottles of water, diet coke just a bunch of bull. A bunch of stuff that promises quick and easy results. When really we just blew forty bucks. Waited in line behind a bunch of college possibly high school party people buying plastic cups, playing with their iphones. When I realized I've wasted my summer I've done nothing. I have no job, no license, nothing. I go to my counselor each week and I just sit there watching her color in pictures she drew, as she tries to get something out of me. What is there to say? "I'm not really trying and I could care less" Im not even starting college till after christmas. Im sick of reading peoples blogs about college. Friends who are going to USF, Ringling, colleges off in Tampa. It makes me want to scream out and wonder what I did wrong. I never even gave myself a chance I didn't apply to anywhere besides mcc. Maybe in the end I'm the smarter one? I keep wondering if my life was different, would I be off to tampa or even new york with the excitement of starting something new? I'm quite positive things would be different if my home life hadn't occupied my every moment. Will I be happy if I do indeed lose weight? Or will I become someone else like friends I've known who obsess over every pound? So many people in high school I had the urge to tell how much they made me miserable. How I wanted them to give a shit and ask me if I was ok. I deleted people from facebook the other day. Because I got sick of looking at their status updates. College shopping this, fun with friends who aren't me updates. Am I wrong in feeling like the only good friends I have are my bf and my mother? I need a vacation away from Florida. Im sick of the sun and the people who I thought were friends but just felt bad for me. I think it's time I stop ranting. Goodnight Sarah...

So I'm sitting around waiting to get a haircut and possibly highlights? meh I know nothing about them so maybe not.
Today has been kinda bland Andrew and I got into an disagreement about where we were gonna eat for lunch.
He wanted to go to a Chinese buffet and I hate them alot so finally I just told him I'd go where he wanted to.
Then he started freaking out about wanting me to like where we were going and he wanted to treat me and I just kind of didn't care.
So we wound up going to Hooters and it was gross the food the atmosphere just blech.
Then to Target where I tried on a cute bathing suit and cursed at my abnormally sized chest.
My initial plan was to have madi and I go looking at prom dresses.
But of course every plan I make falls through when her mom called to say they needed her for some fish fry.
Her parents came to pick her up in the new car they got her.
Now I'm sitting here bored as hell watching my boyfriend passed out on the bed.

I wanna feel beautiful and do my hair a different way.
Cut it and add some new color.
I want new cute clothes to wear and to lose weight.
But I know these aren't things I should be worrying about. :/

This post is definetely not to pimp out my cool new beatles icon.
Um anyways everyone knows how big time music is always associated with the beatles.
Such as bigger than the beatles? No way.
It's good old 60's music my mom grew up with it possibly your mom if she's a flower child.
Just a couple of days ago I told my mom how I was listening to abbey road during drawing class.
And she had told me how her friend's brother would let them smoke weed and listen to the beatles in the basement.
Something my mother told me only for the fact that it was normal to just chill with the crazy sounds of the beatles while high.
Crazy I know how Im typing about my mom getting high but thats just me random.
"Because the wind is high it blows my mind" I mean the lyrics are pure insanity but awesome at the same time.
You gotta love the way they put together a mesh of crazy beautiful songs and paved the way for artists today.
"She came in through the bathroom window protected by a silver spoon"

I advise you to go through records in your house if they havent already been tossed away or sold for a quarter in a yard sale.
Check out the stuff your parents listened to it'll give you an insight in knowing that your mom or dad was once your age.
And they really arent as lame as you think they are unless of course your parents listened to barbara streissand and polka music.
Well then I cant really help you there.

Ive been feeling really odd today so I apologize to those who have talked to me today so far lol.

Um yeah The albertsons training video is quite ridculous

Girl:How come all the cute ones are taken.
Other girl:What do you mean?
Girl:He's gay didnt you know that?
*Guy is working in produce putting up bananas*
Girl:Good thing for him he's working in the right department.

Me:Ummmmm

Im gonna mean since I dont read the harry potter books.
I got curious I know everything people.....
But to be nice I will say nothing.
Im sure all of you will have the book in your hands Midnight you dorks lol.

Why does everyone ruin everything?

Gee I havent even seen the new harry potter movie yet.
And due to all you guys posting about it and my extreme curiousity.
You've ruined it for me thanks.....

Dear mom you have an air conditioner in your room.
Therefore you have left your daughter to fry in her backroom.
Now she will indeed be in your room all the time.
Sincerly moi

http://www.findtuition.com/index.php

It's a great site to find out about scholarships and which ones your eligible for.
Along with student loans and more.